I’m watching an old season of The Biggest Loser on Hulu (ugh, why do I watch this show!?) and yesterday caught an episode in which one of the trainers really pushes for a contestant to ‘fess up about why they’re overweight. Watching another overweight person struggle with the truth of why they’re overweight is thrilling reality show voyeurism, for me. Maybe it’s because I get to see someone else struggling and feel less alone? I mean, I know my why.
The thing for me to confess is the why for my big push to lose weight, now.
My husband and I are soon going to be TTC (“trying to conceive”) for the first time. To be honest, this is the most compelling reason for me, beyond any other basis of my previous temporary/failed efforts. Yes, I know that I should be doing this for my health. In theory, that should be the primary motivator. It’s just not. It’s a happy side effect, but it’s not my motivation. I mean, my weight has fluctuated wildly my entire life. When I was a teen and after break ups, I went on weight loss bursts to be sexually attractive to a greater pool of potential suitors (wink). When I was in my late-twenties, I used athletic goals to motivate me, such as running my first half marathon (did not lose weight AT ALL) or becoming a better rugby player (did work).
I don’t know why TTC has been such a great motivator for me. Maybe I feel like I’m heading toward a “point of no return.” Shrug. Many women have proven that you can not only bounce back from pregnancy but with effort, become even fitter than you were pre-baby. I just want to give myself every advantage, knowing my spotty body history.
I’m going to be 35 years old, this year. So, yeah, the clock is ticking. Loudly.
More on this to come in part two.